In the beginning was Lorraine Keane – Roadwatch Then and Now

Words Written by Esther O’Moore Donohoe, AA Roadwatch

In the beginning was Lorraine Keane, and Lorraine Keane said ‘rowndabout’, and so it was and so it goes, on and on just like a rowndabout

Anon, circa 2015.

Having worked for AA Roadwatch for some time now, me and my fellow Roadwatchers have been asked the following questions more than once: 1. Have we ever met Lorraine Keane? 2. Do we use a helicopter? 3. Do you know Conor Faughnan? To which we reply: 1. Yes. 2. No 3. Yes. He sits opposite it us in an adapted car seat/office chair hybrid. I’ve also been asked ‘Who writes the reports for you?’ many times.  I blow their minds when I tell them that we write them. We’re more than just our silky radio voices. We can use a computer and a phone too, often at the same time.

AA Roadwatch operates like a news room, but for traffic. The glamorous reality of this can be too much for some to take. They just walk away, shaking their heads in disbelief muttering to themselves ‘No way. I can’t believe it’. No doubt though, there are some listeners who believe that we swan around our offices in silk kimonos eating bonbons as traffic monkeys type our reports for us. Readers, we are those monkeys.

The daily routine in AA Roadwatch is thus. The early shift starts at 6am, the late shift ends at 11pm and the office is open seven days a week, 365 days a year. Somedays we pinch ourselves and then cry and then traffic. In that order.

A typical day in AA Roadwatch can be quite predictable. Nature loves patterns and so does traffic but not like polka dots or stripes. Our patterns are more like ‘Patrick Street northbound is busy onto Bridge Street’ or “Traffic is slow on the M50 northbound from J9 Red Cow to exit at J7 Lucan’. They are sometimes punctuated however, by unexpected bad weather, bad collisions or rogue animals. We’ve had loose ducks on Leopardstown Road in Dublin, escaped elephants in Cork City and drama causing llamas on the M50.

I can’t watch the roads forever though and one day I will pass my Roadwatch high-viz vest onto some other young double-barrelled named dreamer. But what will remain with me after the traffic stops? For starters, an extensive knowledge of Irish motorway junction numbers for starters (J5 on the M50? Finglas of course. J17 on the M8? Watergrasshill silly!). I also can recite from memory the phone numbers for over 26 Garda stations nationwide. And before your love and respect levels for us soar even further, having done countless shifts in the Dublin City Council Traffic Control Room, we know that camera 15 gives you aerial shots of St. Johns Road West whilst camera 145 reveals the magical junction where Dorset Street meets the North Circular Road. We are always watching you. Trying to get you home safely. These are the things that will stay with me forever, as will a promotional LUAS USB key in the shape of a tram, that I picked up along the way.

K.I.T (Keep It Trafficky)